Take care, my grandma

I have been busy with exams and stuffs, and when i step my foot back on senai airport, i feel relaxed. For the first time in my life i feel not so burdened. First thing i do, eat my favourite things~

I can have say all in a happy toe, but now seem like cant d. Since the day i am back, i found out my grandma is not in good health. So from that day i start taking care of her. Day by day, her condition deteriorates. Initially my dad bring her to Puteri Specialist in JB, and she still feel giddy and faint. So we bring her there another time, and the doctor just say need time. Its because of you, dr, i trust you because i thought you are a professional, and it turns out you are just a piece of shit.

And again her condition deteriorates, i bring her to a specialist clinic in JB, and the doctor confidently gave me assurance that this is only small matter. When i hear that i am so glad, so bring her home hoping for the best. But still her condition deteriorates. I bring her back to the same clinic and the doc recommend another doctor. And this doc diagnosed my grandmother as Alzheimer. I cried in front of the doctor.

After eaten the medicine she starts to sleep the whole day, she even lose her will of speech, lost her strength to walk, and i feed her eat, help her bath, and talk with her. But her condition still not improving, and i called up my aunt in kl and she ask me to fetch her to kl.

And i did, the first night already admitted into hospital, it turns out she have blockage due to cholesterol after MRI scanning. Trust the doc in JB to diagnose differently, the greed of money overcome your feeling of love and care?? One day if your mum sick and you are in a situation same as me i would then see how you will feel.

So for this whole holiday i had been taking care for her, i am sorry if i cant go out with you guys, she is more important than anything else in this world. Today before i come back from kl because i need to back to sabah at 27 dec, i calmly told her "a ma, get well soon, i will be coming back in this chinese new year to see you" and she nodded. At that time i was pretending to be strong in front of her, my heart was breaking. I just wish that she will be as strong as before, can talk can laugh... Thats my wish for now~

^(*&(*(&&^ system

The "perfect" system when doing an activity in *&^&*&^

1. You have to do a "perfect proposal"
2. You have to wait for the f&(&&g cheque, say it can be obtained in seven days time, but i waited two weeks!! &*&*&$$%**^^&*
3. You have to be pushed here and there, especially at treasurer part, when open cheque, you have to pay RM 3, and you have to bear with the consistent 2 MIA of the officer in duty~ Need 2 officer to sign for a simple thing as cheque?
3. You have to go to "somewhere" else to cash in the cheque. Somewhere half an hour far from school when we have a own bloody bank in school!!!

Thank goodness i have the support from my family, my dad offered to help me, really thanks dad~~ i am so touched~
And you guys makubex and zeng ji, thanks in making this trip a reality~

Found myself a~~

new sister~ haha, guess you are reading this right now, this is for you~ haha~

I am sorry

thats me, i will like to shout things out then i forget it, sorry~~

Insomnia

I cant sleep i cant sleep i cant sleep~~~ So many things to do, still haven finish~~ I am sorry to you, i know i had neglected you, but i believe its for our own good. I need more time to think bout what really suits me the most. I believe you will put all the blame to me, its ok, i can accept it, cause i know its my fault. Truly is that schoolwork is killing me, taking away my time, and in my opinion its you who can cheer me up. i am supposed to be there for you, but i guess i cant make it, because of the burden of my schoolwork. And also burden of my heart. I feel liking of being alone for now. I am sorry~~

Prince

The need to stab back from behind?

There is no need to be like this, after all, friends are still friends, one day, we still need each other~~ One day in future~~ My advise to you is dont be like this, over protective for the wrong cause, and over thinking. Things arent as what you think alike. Whatever you do, dont be so selfish, think of others too, i know you wont have the chance to see this, but if you see this, i hope you will understand my intention.

I dunno whatever small things i did or involving me also will make you boil, then go ahead and boil, go ahead and talk bad bout me ba, i dont care bout that. GO AHEAD~~ I support you!!

Prince

serious thinking

Nothing happened today, just heard and saw something.. but wont mention it, just

Let it be...
Let it be...

Prince~

Haiz..

I dunno what is happening, but i feel that somehow, people that are suppose to be friend had become like an enemy~~ seem like someone had said things bout me behind my back, the damn backstabber. But i feel to me, its ok, someday, you all had forgotten things that i did for you all, but all of the sudden when i try to do my things, sometime, something small i maybe had overlook, i am sorry bout that, everyone. I really am sorry. Sometimes things does not go the way i thought it should be.

sometime i wish people had more eyes to see, had more heart to feel, had a big heart to forgive, but it seems this will never happen in the condition now. I am not talking bad bout anybody here, if he/she feel it, she knew what she had done. God always do have eyes, the more you stab me, the more i am gonna be successful in future, believe it or not, i do not care.

Go ahead, and say more bad things bout me, people can choose to or not to believe, if they believe without checking thats called blindly believing, i just hope you all dont be l\blinded by words but see truly for yourself. I know this few weeks i had not being myself, to some people, but i had more things on mind then to smile everytime, to pretend everytthing is ok when its not, and i do have lots of things to do now. I hope i can go through this.

Prince~~

My beam~~~

I done it all wrong~~~ Dimension all wrong, have to redo~~ T.T~

Help me~~~

Prince

Being forced??

Tomorrow is a big day, majlis berbuka puasa for KFNR. To be truthful, under this new pengetua, i feel quite confident of getting things done. He have power, and the ability to lead.

But in the meeting just now, yellowarmy meeting, i am being told that all my armies had to get 10 referrals for the digi music?? What the hell is this?? Since when do i need to do this crap? I never being forced to do something, neither i will have my armies being forced to do things that we know at the end wont have any solution!! And it is so rush that i had to ask them to come over to my majlis berbuka puasa just to do the referrals. It is not so right?

I still remember in my previous tenure of yellow army, i really feel being a part of the family, the system. No boot camp for now, no special rewards for now, no passion!! For now, i dont care bout this, but the big thing is tomorrow. Free food for all!! Its the first event i done in this sem, i hope to have support of everybody~

Things are really getting out of hand now~ i mean in working life~ but here's to some personal life:-

Today i saw a video clip, a guy proposing to his gf in a ktv, the lucky girl sings and all the sudden their sweet pictures starting to pop up on the screen. Suprised, the girl keep on singing and in the end, the guy came in and proposed~~ Its really great~~ touching~~ To my future wife.. Actually that is just the things i will do~~

To you~~

Prince

Swiiming, then meeting..

Going for a swim, then meeting, then basketball today~~ ironman i am~~

Alone~~ Passion, lost~

Just came back from doulos, alone, haha~~ alone alone and alone, i have no whatever moood to go with who i am supposed to go. Things shouldnt go this way~ tired of swimming, i guess its time for me to shut down since i already 3 days din shut down properly.

Things at yellowarmy is getting me under a tremendous pressure, its never an obligatory before. What i feel now as if i am being forced into a system that i think its gonna fail. How can you force people to buy your product when internet can be downloaded for free? If you are able to shut off the internet, then this product is going to sell well. Imagine that i had lost all the passion for doing things like this, what for i need to continue? I have my own right, my own decision, and its totally for the benefit of other people. I hate this kind of system where it seems we are being forced to do .

Where is the boot camp?
Where is the passion?
Where is the yellowarmy that i used to know?
Lastly~

Where are you?~

I have no mood to go drinking (so sorry makubex, i will join you when i am feeling better)
I have no mood to go shopping (sorry yo you)
I have no mood for movies(sorry again)
I have no mood for all these things(I am so sorry)

I hope you understand, and i guess i had to stress this out again, i am who i am, and it seem selfish, but what i had to do if the passion that i am supposed to have is not there? What is the point i being so depressed everyday just for a thing that i know wont get a solution?? What is the very point that i want to stress out to myself? Well, i guess the answer is in my own hands, and its in my power to control it.

Just for now~~ Shutting down~~

Prince

Swimming

At last, i know how to swim d~~~ haha!! next time bring you guys out to swim~~ everybody~~

To you~~

I dont want to say your name, but you should know its you~~
I care for you,
I did so many things for you,
I dunno what happened but in the end i am the one backing off~~
We had became a totally stranger~
And you din even support me, al you did is by not bothering~
i really dowan care bout you anymore,
Its worthless~~

Prince

Sleepless night

At precisely 1.23 am now, i am writing this blog just to let off some of my feelings. I guess its strange for me to be awake at this time to write, but somehow, i had become a zombie... Thinking of plant vs zombie (and i wish got a plant come and kill me now)!! My precise feeling now is that i feel so sad, so depressed since a few days ago. I don't know what is happening to me, yet i took everything in stride. Having sleepless night for almost three days.
The things that i had to do now are:-
1. Beam design assignment (I did it wrong in my previous work!! I wanna kill you!!)
2. Slab Design assignment
3. Rafting proposal
4. Tamu gadang proposal
5. Korea proposal

Just back from a meeting just now, and read some blogs from a friend. I suddenly miss home so much, miss the days that i am with you, miss the days that i am with my family. Homesick is quite normal for everybody, but all this while i never had been so depressed and stressed in my life. My exam results is bad. I did study very hard for that, but somehow, the result is not as i had expected. But shall i give up? if i fail 100 times and i give up, do you think i will be here typing this blog now? I know i can do it!!! i just need some time!!!

Maybe some of you are wondering why i use this name prince. This is because i have more friends that are female rather than male, guess i had to trust my mom when she say that i have certain attraction for girls. (haha, geez mum). It is also because first love is hard to get by too. i thought she is the princess of my heart, but then things went wrong. What happened had happened, it is a past now, and i hope you are living happily with your live now.

Its been a long time i didn't wrote a blog already, but now i choose to write again just to depict my own feelings, just to let me and myself know that i am me, and i have the right to write out everything that i want to write. Nobody have the right to control who i am.

I called my friend just to chat with her and she did comfort me, thanks to you lin lin~~ Hope you will see this blog~~ A friend in need is a friend indeed. Actually she is my crush, but really just a teenage crush.. (lol, cerita lama sudah). I am now hoping for the best for A Ying and An Ning, both are my students and they are both taking spm this year. You two, Jia you ok?? i will always support you two de.

And to this very special friend of mine, shall call her by miss pig. Fate does make fun of people sometime, but i do hope you are happy and getting on with your own life now. I am really happy for you~~ I had know you since primary one actually~~ haha... Still remember? You always did put a smile on my face, either by your sillyness, or by your craziness~~ now that we had both come this far and still you are my best friend, i really cherish this forever

And also to you jing, where you like to hear me sing~~ i miss you too~~ i hope you are living very very well now~~ happy and happy ever after~~ haha, with your darling of course~~ You know, sometime i cant help but think, why should i always be the one getting hurt when i know i have you? once i sing and the memories will come back automatically~~ haha

Friends from here, sue sue, vinci, emily, bei bei, all are very nice girls. and i do hope they will be happy forever too.. Wishing that everyting that they do will have success, and for emily, i guess you play an important role in influencing my feelings to write this blog~~

Coming here i feel like my second home. THis place truly is a place where my heart belongs. Its peaceful, calm and quiet. And i love the scenery. After becoming tour guide for so many times, i guess i know the road here more than my friends. Haha. I still remember the day i drove all the way to langkawi using my dad's car. I just got my license that time... Sigh... Another happy memories~~When in sungai petani, that time, jing, still remember?? Stop stop, dont think anymore~~ haha~~ later i type till no sleep~~

Tomorrow ten am having a hydraulic class, yet i still cant feel sleepy.. Current things in my mind is as stated above, but in addition to that, there are some complicated heart feelings too, where i cant state here, i gues only me myself know how that feels. You, i dunno how to describe my feelings towards you~~ i only know its not the correct feeling and i feel depressed cause of this also~~

The clock is ticking, and i shall stop here, for now. i will keep on update this i guess... Maybe i will be singing next time i wrote this.. i hope so~~

Love,

Publish Post

Prince